The day is finally here

So it's finally here. The ING Miami Marathon and Half Marathon. The very first 1/2 I was supposed to run in ...

... and I'm not there.

Yesterday I went with Andre to the packet pick-up so he could pick up his full marathon packet. It was so very difficult because I was really looking forward to the expo ever since I started training. I was looking forward to being there bright and early, listening to the speakers, picking up my packet, visiting with all the vendors. Instead, as we walked up to the building, the tears started welling up in my eyes. I tried desperately to stop them because I didn't want Andre to see, but we've been married far too long and he knew. It was pretty bad. I couldn't even answer him when he spoke to me without getting choked up so for most of the walk to the building, and the walk into the building, and the walk onto the main floor of the expo, I said nothing. I couldn't.

What's worse is that I felt terrible because I knew I was messing up his day. I felt like I was taking away something from him and I felt like I had failed him just as much as I had failed myself. All I could think about was, WHY did I even bother to come?

If you ever have the opportunity to know Andre, consider yourself very lucky. He's the kind of guy who, when someone is upset, he will do everything he can to fix it. The problem is, I didn't want to fix it. I felt like I deserved to be upset. Andre wasn't going to have any of that though.

We picked up his packet and he suggested I pick up mine. I declined because I felt like I hadn't actually earned it. In all honesty, there were two or three times that I almost convinced myself to pick it up, but then I would change my mind. All in all, I think I made the right decision. When I pick up my first 1/2 marathon packet, I want it to be because I am ready and I am running in that race and not for any other reason.

Anyway, back to the expo - We continued to walk around after Andre picked up his packet and I was getting more and more stressed out until Andre spotted the Women's 1/2 Marathon series. He pointed it out and I reluctantly went with him to check out the booth.

Andre was very excited and he wanted to sign me up right then and there, but I wasn't so sure. I had already failed once at this and what if he plopped down the $75.00 and I failed again? That's a lot of money for not being so sure of something. The lady at the booth was very understanding and she assured me that no matter what, I could do this. It turns out that it's a very women friendly and walker friendly 1/2.

After speaking with her at length, she assured me that if for any reason I needed to walk it, that the time allowed to finish it would be more than enough. She also explained that there would always be someone there supporting you and they just pop right out of the crowd when you need them most and start walking beside you giving you encouragement. In addition they run for Leukemia research and there would be lots of survivors there who are going to be walking the whole thing so if I felt like I could only walk it, that would be absolutely okay.

I was starting to feel a little better about this. Okay ... so you have my interest. More talking, more encouragement and more joy on the face of Andre and I ended up signing up. The race is in St. Pete, Fl on November 18, the day after my birthday and there are exactly 294 days left to train.

So what am I doing here. Time to jump on the treadmill and get moving.