7 Pounds

In addition to running again, I've started the South Beach Diet last Thursday. It's now Monday and I'm down 7 lbs. That's how much my girls weighed when they were born, well, 7lbs, 6 oz anyway.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

On the one hand I'm all... woo hoo, 7 pounds. YAY. On the other hand, my mind is telling me, that it's not healthy to lose more than 2 pounds a week. It hasn't even been a week yet.

Of course, the high number could be attributed to not just the new diet but also to the running and cross training I've been doing while on the diet, but I still have that nagging feeling in the back of my head. Is it too much, too fast?

You need to understand that I was on Weight Watchers about 5 years ago and lost 50lbs. When I went off WW due to money issues, I subsequently gained 30lbs back.

WW was very big on only losing 2lbs a week and it was almost frowned upon if you lost more than that. So why on earth would I go on the South Beach Diet?

Because I want to lose weight faster in order to help with my running and as much as I know it's probably not the best thing to lose over 2lbs a week, I also know that I really, REALLY, want to get rid of some of this excess fat. I was told that in Phase 1 of the diet, you tend to lose weight the fastest because your body is now living without things like pasta, breads, cereals, etc. Thankfully some of those things will be introduced in Phase 2 - If I make it that far.

I really HATE this diet with a passion. Well, I hate Phase 1 anyway.

Phase 1 for me is a nightmare. I'm an Italian after-all and pasta is life in my world - not that whole wheat pasta crap that tastes like you're eating cardboard. I'm talking about REAL pasta. Mmmm, yummmm.

Potatoes are also really big in our family. My oldest daughter in particular can eat tons of it. Of course, she's one of those people that can eat anything and still look good.

Bread is another item that is big in this family, but again, I don't care for wheat bread. Good ol' white bread that melts in your mouth with yummy goodness is the ticket. I will however eat wheat bread if I have to.

The worst culprit for me is cereal. I adore cereal. Honey Bunches of Oats is my favorite and I can eat it with milk in the morning, or without milk as an afternoon snack. I've already had issues with breakfast on this diet because I'm not real big on eating eggs. I don't mind eggs, but NOT every day.

Technically this phase is only supposed to last for two weeks, however because I have so much weight to lose, for me it's going to be three weeks. I'm surprised I've lasted this long.

As much as my mind nags me about the maximum two pounds deal, I know I'm only staying because of the higher weight lost. As much as I hate this program, I need to get down in weight in order to help me with my running and hopefully prevent more injuries. Once I get down in weight, I should be running better and I won't need to rely so heavily on this diet. That's the plan anyway.

I don't know if it's a good plan or not, but there it is.

Anyway,

7 POUNDS! WOO HOO! Okay, okay, so yes, I am VERY happy about that part.



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The day is finally here

So it's finally here. The ING Miami Marathon and Half Marathon. The very first 1/2 I was supposed to run in ...

... and I'm not there.

Yesterday I went with Andre to the packet pick-up so he could pick up his full marathon packet. It was so very difficult because I was really looking forward to the expo ever since I started training. I was looking forward to being there bright and early, listening to the speakers, picking up my packet, visiting with all the vendors. Instead, as we walked up to the building, the tears started welling up in my eyes. I tried desperately to stop them because I didn't want Andre to see, but we've been married far too long and he knew. It was pretty bad. I couldn't even answer him when he spoke to me without getting choked up so for most of the walk to the building, and the walk into the building, and the walk onto the main floor of the expo, I said nothing. I couldn't.

What's worse is that I felt terrible because I knew I was messing up his day. I felt like I was taking away something from him and I felt like I had failed him just as much as I had failed myself. All I could think about was, WHY did I even bother to come?

If you ever have the opportunity to know Andre, consider yourself very lucky. He's the kind of guy who, when someone is upset, he will do everything he can to fix it. The problem is, I didn't want to fix it. I felt like I deserved to be upset. Andre wasn't going to have any of that though.

We picked up his packet and he suggested I pick up mine. I declined because I felt like I hadn't actually earned it. In all honesty, there were two or three times that I almost convinced myself to pick it up, but then I would change my mind. All in all, I think I made the right decision. When I pick up my first 1/2 marathon packet, I want it to be because I am ready and I am running in that race and not for any other reason.

Anyway, back to the expo - We continued to walk around after Andre picked up his packet and I was getting more and more stressed out until Andre spotted the Women's 1/2 Marathon series. He pointed it out and I reluctantly went with him to check out the booth.

Andre was very excited and he wanted to sign me up right then and there, but I wasn't so sure. I had already failed once at this and what if he plopped down the $75.00 and I failed again? That's a lot of money for not being so sure of something. The lady at the booth was very understanding and she assured me that no matter what, I could do this. It turns out that it's a very women friendly and walker friendly 1/2.

After speaking with her at length, she assured me that if for any reason I needed to walk it, that the time allowed to finish it would be more than enough. She also explained that there would always be someone there supporting you and they just pop right out of the crowd when you need them most and start walking beside you giving you encouragement. In addition they run for Leukemia research and there would be lots of survivors there who are going to be walking the whole thing so if I felt like I could only walk it, that would be absolutely okay.

I was starting to feel a little better about this. Okay ... so you have my interest. More talking, more encouragement and more joy on the face of Andre and I ended up signing up. The race is in St. Pete, Fl on November 18, the day after my birthday and there are exactly 294 days left to train.

So what am I doing here. Time to jump on the treadmill and get moving.

The trade winds are blowin'

It's late and I'm tired, but I can't sleep. My Florida Panthers just blew a two goal lead against the Colorado Avalanche and lost in OT, AGAIN! I am completely and thoroughly frustrated right now.

We've gone from being third in the East to eighth. We blew a 9 point lead in the SE and we are dangerously close to not making the playoffs at all.

We've fallen into old patterns again.

The passes that were tape to tape earlier in the year are missing their marks.

Goaltenders are getting caught misplaying the puck behind the net.

Defensemen are pitching in and staying in deep too long leading to odd-man rushes. Defensemen are not shooting on net as much from the point. Instead, they are banking their shots behind and around the goalie. Why can't the shots be put on net?

Forwards keep passing, and passing and passing and sometimes refuse to shoot the puck. And when they have the puck and shoot, they're leaving the rebounds to be scooped up by the opposing defensemen.

Our power play, good grief our power play, is back to where it was during the Jim Hulton days (God help us). Mikael Samuelsson on the point is NOT the answer. It's nothing against Sammy. I don't like ANY forwards on the point during a power play, but that's a discussion for another time.

Our physical play has dropped. I don't know what the criteria for counting a hit as a hit, but I disagree with our hit count. Some of our hits are barely a "how do you do" to the opposition.

The boys refuse to bring the puck into the zone and opt instead to dump and chase watch or dump and go for a line change.

Three words: Clear The Crease.

On the flip side of clearing the crease, it would be nice to go just one game without shouting, "Get in front of the net." Screening the goalie or being there for the tip in doesn't happen as often as it should. And heaven forbid we go for the garbage goal. Everyone is looking for that highlight reel goal that looks so pretty and so cute on the NHL Network. Well, I have news for you, garbage goals count just as much as the highlight reel goals do. As a matter of fact, one of my favorite goals this year happened when we played the Vancouver Canucks and came off the stick of Marcel Goc after a flurry of shots. It was a messy, dirty, textbook garbage goal and I LOVED it because it was earned with a lot of hard work.

That's what this team was known for at the beginning of the year. HARD WORK! Somewhere along the way, we lost that. Why? Did we get too cocky? Did we start reading the papers a little too much? Did we just stop trying? What happened? I want to know. I need to understand why we are where we are.

:::sigh:::

Whatever happened, the fact is, that no one on this team should feel safe. Everyone is up for grabs in a possible trade. We've been falling in points a little too steadily for my taste and I can only imagine that Dale Tallon is none too happy either.

My first thought is Kris Versteeg. A fan favorite who has been off his game for a while and has met with the ire of Coach Dineen. Dale Tallon could use the "He needs a change of scenery to get back his game" angle to sell him for a higher price.

That said, anyone on the top line is really up for grabs and that includes Stephen Weiss. Sure, he scored his first goal since early December and he DID play his 600th game tonight, but as I said, no one should feel safe, even if I personally would love to see him wearing a "C" on his chest.

The goalies are also up for grabs, but in that case we'd have to get a goalie back (unless the traded goalie was Scott Clemmensen. I think that Jose Theodore and Jacob Markstrom could hold down the fort if need be.

Any of the defensemen could go in a trade, but our highest valued players would be Jason Garrison and Brian Campbell. I'd include Mike Weaver in there because he's so steady, but he tends to fly under the radar and unless you watch the team regularly, you wouldn't really know his true value. I'd also include the injured Ed Jovanovski (ACK) as a possible trade. Injured players have been moved between clubs before. (See the aforementioned Samuelsson). I wouldn't exclude Erik Gudbranson either. If the price is right, I could see Tallon pulling the trigger. Just because he's supposed to be part of our future, really means nothing.

Just ask David Booth. Who would have predicted that trade? Not me. So like I said, ANYONE could be shipped out.

Honestly the only Panther I can see that is UN-tradeable is Stanley C.

This team is taking on water fast. There's a giant hole somewhere that needs to be filled, not just patched up. Personally, I'd like to see our power play addressed. Otherwise, this year will be exactly like every other year. The Panthers will not make the playoffs and the fans will once again deal with an extended off-season.

I am not prepared for that. In my mind, this season was a done deal. We were going to the playoffs. Anything less than the playoffs just makes me sick.

Blu

Of Men and Broken Hands

Say it ain't so, Jovo. I haven't heard the final prognosis yet, I'm still waiting to hear the news from either the Florida Panthers or George Richards. Richards is pretty quick on the draw, so I'm betting he comes through with answers first.

Is it broken, or not.

Hopefully not.

Ed Jovanovski got into a first period fight last night and may or may not have broken his hand. Before knowing of his injury, I was pretty happy to see the Jovo I used to know. The one who gets all fiery on the ice and lets the opposition have it, WHAM! He takes no prisoners and lets nothing slide. HA! That Jovo is an effective Jovo. BOOYA!

That was until I knew he was hurt. I hope it's not too serious. It brings me back to when Paul Laus injured his hands over the years with his constant pugilistic tendencies. Paul's fighting ultimately ended his career. The last I heard, his hands were so damaged that he couldn't even open them completely and knowing that breaks my heart.

Jovo's not the young kid I remember back in the day. He's aged over the years. He's not as speedy, but he makes up for it by blocking shots and stealing pucks. He doesn't throw the body around as much, but he makes sure that anyone standing in front of the net will know he does NOT approve. He doesn't squawk as much at the opposition, but he makes full use of lobbying to the referees. He doesn't have the youthful arrogance he once had, but he has a strong leadership presence on the ice. He's respected by his teammates as well as the officials on the ice.

No, he's not the same Jovo that I remember, he's different. But I think I'm a bigger fan of his now than I was in his younger days. He may have lost a step or two, but I really like this Jovo and I'm so glad he's back with the team.

Get well soon, Eddie. I already miss you.

Where's the "e" in Blu?

A lot of people who don't follow hockey have asked me over the years what BluLiner55 means. Well, for any non-hockey folk out there, a blue liner is a defenseman and the 55 stands for my favorite defenseman, Ed Jovanovski.

So then the next question is, where's the "e" in Blu.

The "e" is absent because back in the day when AOL was in it's infancy, it only allowed for 10 characters to be used in your screen name. As a new computer user in 1996 as well as a fan of Jovo, a sacrifice had to be made, and the e was dropped.

The first person to actually refer me to Blu was a lady on a hockey board site (I can't remember her name) and then it sort of caught on. I don't go on the hockey boards as much anymore, but every now and then, someone who knew me back then will still call me Blu. It's a nice little reminder of the past and I don't mind in the least. In fact, sometimes, I actually miss it.

If at first you don't succeed ...

Skydiving is not for you.

I read that this morning and had to laugh, because I've tried so many times to succeed at so many things and have given up shortly thereafter. All those things were my attempts at "skydiving."

Running is different. After years of trying, I am still trying to succeed in that area. I want so much to be a runner, to get the sheer joy of crossing the finish line, to wear a medal that signifies that I actually completed something, to feel accomplished.

Many years ago, when I first started, I did well and I received medals for various 5K events. I wanted to do more and more. And then I got my first injury. Glass in my foot. It was pretty deep and did a bit of damage.

Shortly after that, messed up ankles.

Then of course, I've had broken toes.

My most recent has been the hip about two months ago.

When I get injured, I tend to shelve running for months at a time and then have to start all over again. The hip injury has been no different, but in a way, it's the worst injury of all.

I'm a few weeks away from the first 1/2 marathon that I was to participate in and I can't even go because of the injury and am no where near back to being able to run more than one mile, let alone 13.1.

It hurts, it makes me angry, and frustrated, and miserable. All that hard work and it feels like it was wasted. I don't really know many people who understand how I feel about missing this race. I've already cried my tears, thrown my shoes and wanted to quit completely because of it.

Still, I know that running is not my "skydiving."

Today, I finished my run workout. Like Friday, I felt the twinges, but no real pain. The fear was a little less and I was able to start my run without too much procrastination (although there was some).

I will keep trying again, and again, and again.

Because one day, my chute will open.

One day I will cross the finish line and get my 1/2 marathon medal.

One day.

What do I want

I've been trying to figure out what I want from this blog. I'm sort of all over the place and then I leave for a long period of time before coming back to it. So I'm going to delete all previous posts and start new, fresh, like the new year.

This blog is a journey, a journey of me. Where I came from, where I am and where I want to be.

We begin with today. I have been sidelined from running for the past two months thanks to a hip injury. It has really brought me pretty low because of the fact that I had been training for the ING 1/2 marathon. The marathon is in a few weeks and the closer it comes, the more angry and upset I become. I really wanted to do this, it was something I had been working very hard to do and now, today, I had to go all the way back to the beginning of my training.

I woke at 6:50am, firmly intending to begin my new training. Then I hit the snooze button ... four times.

I got up, put on my workout clothes and checked my e-mail. I unfolded the treadmill and went on facebook. I then checked twitter, then facebook again (in case I missed something). I knew what I was doing. I was procrastinating because I was scared.

I didn't want to feel that intense pain in my hip again. Although it's been about 2 months, I remember it like it happened yesterday.

I was in a 5K in Sunrise (the Jingle Bell Jog). I felt good and the race began. Everything was going okay, but the route took us on a road that was severely uneven. I have had hip issues in the past, but on this day, I literally felt something go horribly wrong, and then the pain. As I didn't go very far, I thought I would walk it off. I walked a little and then ran a little, then walked and ran and so on until I completed the full 5K.

I sat down afterwards to stretch the hip, but when I got up, I found I was unable to walk without severe pain. It was awful.

Which brings us to today - and my fear.

I decided to start from scratch and go with the couch to 5K plan to see how the hip reacted... it was just a matter of actually STARTING.

I put on my running music, started the machine and began. I held on to the rails automatically because I was so worried, but then I started to ease back into it. It was time for the run. I felt twinges, very light ones, but it was enough to scare me again. Time to walk. Doubts started creeping in. Could I finish this without pain? Time to run and back on 4. Twinges again, but no real pain. The self confidence began to build and I ended up completing the workout. It was short, but it was complete.

I feel good. It's two hours later and still no pain. Thank God.