What do I want

I've been trying to figure out what I want from this blog. I'm sort of all over the place and then I leave for a long period of time before coming back to it. So I'm going to delete all previous posts and start new, fresh, like the new year.

This blog is a journey, a journey of me. Where I came from, where I am and where I want to be.

We begin with today. I have been sidelined from running for the past two months thanks to a hip injury. It has really brought me pretty low because of the fact that I had been training for the ING 1/2 marathon. The marathon is in a few weeks and the closer it comes, the more angry and upset I become. I really wanted to do this, it was something I had been working very hard to do and now, today, I had to go all the way back to the beginning of my training.

I woke at 6:50am, firmly intending to begin my new training. Then I hit the snooze button ... four times.

I got up, put on my workout clothes and checked my e-mail. I unfolded the treadmill and went on facebook. I then checked twitter, then facebook again (in case I missed something). I knew what I was doing. I was procrastinating because I was scared.

I didn't want to feel that intense pain in my hip again. Although it's been about 2 months, I remember it like it happened yesterday.

I was in a 5K in Sunrise (the Jingle Bell Jog). I felt good and the race began. Everything was going okay, but the route took us on a road that was severely uneven. I have had hip issues in the past, but on this day, I literally felt something go horribly wrong, and then the pain. As I didn't go very far, I thought I would walk it off. I walked a little and then ran a little, then walked and ran and so on until I completed the full 5K.

I sat down afterwards to stretch the hip, but when I got up, I found I was unable to walk without severe pain. It was awful.

Which brings us to today - and my fear.

I decided to start from scratch and go with the couch to 5K plan to see how the hip reacted... it was just a matter of actually STARTING.

I put on my running music, started the machine and began. I held on to the rails automatically because I was so worried, but then I started to ease back into it. It was time for the run. I felt twinges, very light ones, but it was enough to scare me again. Time to walk. Doubts started creeping in. Could I finish this without pain? Time to run and back on 4. Twinges again, but no real pain. The self confidence began to build and I ended up completing the workout. It was short, but it was complete.

I feel good. It's two hours later and still no pain. Thank God.