It's days like today that I feel horrible being a mom. I don't mean horrible in the sense that I don't want to be a mom. I actually love being a mom and I love my girls.
Still, today, I feel horrible because I'm forced to choose one child over another and it seems like my youngest always gets the short end of the stick.
Today, we informed her that we have to give her car to her sister up in Pittsburgh (again). This isn't the first time she had to give up her car to her sister. The first time was temporary, but this time, it'll be permanent.
The look of sadness in her eyes and the sound of disappointment in her voice when she realized what we were asking of her broke my heart.
Money, that blasted currency of man that is truly the root of all problems.
This is all because of money.
Due to the economy, like everyone else, money is tight for us. Still, we've been paying the car insurance for our oldest daughter's car. She was willing to pay for her own insurance, but because she had gotten into an accident, her car would not pass the inspection needed to get new tags and she couldn't afford to fix the car AND get new tags and as we live in Florida, we have a difficult time helping her when she needs us.
We did the only thing we could do. We've been paying for the insurance on the vehicle so that she could keep her Florida plate, (I know, I know), but now it's gotten to the point that the insurance for her car is just too high.
What to do?
Well, my youngest's car WILL pass inspection because, as she lives with us, we are able to make sure it's maintained properly. My husband came up with the idea of giving the car to my oldest and driving her car back to Fl so that it can be fixed and maintained. My oldest could then get Pittsburgh plates and pay her own car insurance. Problem solved.
Except my youngest is now sad to lose her car. And I don't blame her.
It's a raw deal for her. Her dad and I both know this, but as the economy is a mess, and money is tight, we have no other choice.
I feel miserable for her, deeply, intensely miserable. It's not because she's losing a car, those can be replaced (eventually), but because this seems to happen to her all the time. She has to go without or give up something so that we can help her sister. She never complains and that makes it worse.
I told her that her time will come one day. When she goes out into the world, we won't leave her swinging in the wind and if the day comes that she needs help, we'll do everything we can to help her just as we did for her sister. She's a good kid and I love her so much.
I hope she knows this.
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